You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
