I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
