You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
