Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
