If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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