If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Be still, my beating vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
