You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
