you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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