I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
