News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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