so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
