I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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