The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
