He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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