how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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