i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
