im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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