Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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