So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
