It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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