i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
