A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
