He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
