my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
