You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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