what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
