we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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