I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
