Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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