her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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