Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
