me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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