yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
