I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I did not marry a roomba.
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