do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
