It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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