you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
