he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize