I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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