Don't make out with my wife yet
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
