The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
