I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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