This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
