he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
