I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
