Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
