Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
