good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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