Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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