We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize