I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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