Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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