I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
