I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
