Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
