You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i think my cat just said my name.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
