Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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