i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
