Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
