I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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