At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
