Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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