What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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