My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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