My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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