Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
