just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
