Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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