Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
