His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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