If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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