Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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