We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
