who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
