Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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