Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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