i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She bit a glass in half.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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