Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(936): View more from Texas

Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.

(631): View more from New York

Samesies

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(256): View more from Alabama

A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

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(651): View more from Minnesota

dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw

(651): View more from Minnesota

by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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(317): View more from Indiana

So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...

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