Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.