Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy