road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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