I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises