we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?