I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
