Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...