If that was your dad, he is hot
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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