my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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